Saul said to his armor-bearer, “Draw your sword and run me through, or these uncircumcised fellows will come and run me through and abuse me.” But his armor-bearer was terrified and would not do it; so Saul took his own sword and fell on it.1 Samuel 31:4
There goes the first king of Israel; he fell on his own sword not accidentally. The same instrument of offence and defence against the adversary was what he used to end his own life.
The story of the final end of Saul is always sad whichever way you look at it, scared, running from his enemies, the falling three of his sons on the same day, let alone falling on his own sword.
Negative emotions, jealousy, suspicion, distrust, envy, hatred, fear etc. don’t give you much benefit, if anything, it saps you of positive energy. A lot of the short comings of Saul are traceable to reactions to negative emotions.
We are all emotional beings and it is now believed all our decisions are based on certain emotions. The task therefore is to be conscious of this fact and make sure we avoid making prime decisions in the heat of emotions, especially negative feelings.
For now don’t envy, don’t quit trusting, don’t quit loving, you’ve got huge powers inside you, don’t turn it on yourself, it can be devastating. May God help you in Jesus' name